Pre-NaNoWriMi advice
Oct. 25th, 2007 01:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mistymasseyThis was posted to a NaNoWriMo community, with no author cited (if anyone knows who wrote it, let me know and I'll edit this entry.) It's hysterical, mostly because it's so true.
Ten things you MUST know about writers.
1. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will see it differently. This is often a good thing. Usually you will be elevated to that of super hero, spy, white knight/gorgeous babe, with ulterior (good) motives for everything. However, if your relationship is on rocky ground, your writer friend might instead see you as a serial killer, slobbering victim or simply flotsam and jetsam of the plane crash scene.
2. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will not hear you - they're in another dimension/alternate universe for the length of time they are writing. It is likely that not even a fire alarm will penetrate the wall between our universe and theirs. This is often a good time to do things you would normally get in trouble for, and say things you'd wish you had the nerve to say. Hint: If you are romantically inclined, this is NOT a good time to ask questions like 'will you marry me'... unless you are sure for the both of you that's what you want. They tend to nod at just about anything as if they've heard you. Unless they're working an 'anger' scene in which case...
3. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will not be able to care for themselves. They will not notice the passage of time, they will not notice their stomach grumbling, their limbs getting numb/cold, whatever. They will not want to spend even a minute on mundane chores like eating. Therefore do remember to feed and water them regularly, much as you would a house plant.
4. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will not respond to any question with anything that remotely makes sense. "Do we have clean laundry?" will be met with, "That's an angle I hadn't considered. If Jack hadn't found the dryer sheet, he never would have stumbled upon the body."
5. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will not remember the simplest instructions or tasks. Please do take over the payments, appointments, and other tasks that keep the household running. If you have pets or children, consider sending them to board somewhere if you cannot watch them during the day.
6. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend may be the cause of a late night visit by humor impaired men in dark suits and sunglasses claiming to be from one of any of the alphabet soup agencies. They'll have the Google records to prove that you're a) planning to murder the Prime Minister of England, b.) planning a terrorist attack on Corfu c.) building a nuclear device, d) selling arms and munitions to the Russians, e) starting a cult, etc.
7. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will invariably try to use you as a model or companion to achieve some realism for the novel. This may involve practicing self-defense (whether or not they know how), hang-gliding, mountain climbing, cooking
or 'borrowing' a submarine. This may also include wanting to take a trip to Chinatown/Biker Bar/Bad A%$ Area, after 10 PM to see what it's like. For the latter, it might be best to point your writer friend to online research while hiding the car keys and credit cards. However writers, being the creative creatures they are, will quickly find a way out of that dilemma. That always works in the novel.
9. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will absolutely hate every word they've written and destroy it all or otherwise go into a deep funk about being a second rate hack. This is normal, part of the process, digging deep into the well for feelings of despair to transfer to their characters to make realistic descriptions for the characters tortured in the process of novel writing. While writers love their characters, it's part and parcel to put them through the wringer.
10. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will appear to be quite insane during the writing of a novel. They are no longer, strictly speaking, the person you've come to know. They've become a melange of characters from their work, happy one moment, morose the next. Crying at a sunrise, laughing at a murder. This too is normal. They are vicariously living the lives of the characters they created, the line between reality and fantasy is somewhat perforated at this time. Enjoy it - not many get to experience several unique individuals in one body! Don't try to make sense of it, they will eventually return to normal when the novel is finished. Or so it is said.
Ten things you MUST know about writers.
1. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will see it differently. This is often a good thing. Usually you will be elevated to that of super hero, spy, white knight/gorgeous babe, with ulterior (good) motives for everything. However, if your relationship is on rocky ground, your writer friend might instead see you as a serial killer, slobbering victim or simply flotsam and jetsam of the plane crash scene.
2. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will not hear you - they're in another dimension/alternate universe for the length of time they are writing. It is likely that not even a fire alarm will penetrate the wall between our universe and theirs. This is often a good time to do things you would normally get in trouble for, and say things you'd wish you had the nerve to say. Hint: If you are romantically inclined, this is NOT a good time to ask questions like 'will you marry me'... unless you are sure for the both of you that's what you want. They tend to nod at just about anything as if they've heard you. Unless they're working an 'anger' scene in which case...
3. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will not be able to care for themselves. They will not notice the passage of time, they will not notice their stomach grumbling, their limbs getting numb/cold, whatever. They will not want to spend even a minute on mundane chores like eating. Therefore do remember to feed and water them regularly, much as you would a house plant.
4. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will not respond to any question with anything that remotely makes sense. "Do we have clean laundry?" will be met with, "That's an angle I hadn't considered. If Jack hadn't found the dryer sheet, he never would have stumbled upon the body."
5. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will not remember the simplest instructions or tasks. Please do take over the payments, appointments, and other tasks that keep the household running. If you have pets or children, consider sending them to board somewhere if you cannot watch them during the day.
6. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend may be the cause of a late night visit by humor impaired men in dark suits and sunglasses claiming to be from one of any of the alphabet soup agencies. They'll have the Google records to prove that you're a) planning to murder the Prime Minister of England, b.) planning a terrorist attack on Corfu c.) building a nuclear device, d) selling arms and munitions to the Russians, e) starting a cult, etc.
7. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will invariably try to use you as a model or companion to achieve some realism for the novel. This may involve practicing self-defense (whether or not they know how), hang-gliding, mountain climbing, cooking
or 'borrowing' a submarine. This may also include wanting to take a trip to Chinatown/Biker Bar/Bad A%$ Area, after 10 PM to see what it's like. For the latter, it might be best to point your writer friend to online research while hiding the car keys and credit cards. However writers, being the creative creatures they are, will quickly find a way out of that dilemma. That always works in the novel.
9. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will absolutely hate every word they've written and destroy it all or otherwise go into a deep funk about being a second rate hack. This is normal, part of the process, digging deep into the well for feelings of despair to transfer to their characters to make realistic descriptions for the characters tortured in the process of novel writing. While writers love their characters, it's part and parcel to put them through the wringer.
10. No matter what you say or do, your writer friend will appear to be quite insane during the writing of a novel. They are no longer, strictly speaking, the person you've come to know. They've become a melange of characters from their work, happy one moment, morose the next. Crying at a sunrise, laughing at a murder. This too is normal. They are vicariously living the lives of the characters they created, the line between reality and fantasy is somewhat perforated at this time. Enjoy it - not many get to experience several unique individuals in one body! Don't try to make sense of it, they will eventually return to normal when the novel is finished. Or so it is said.