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Oct. 30th, 2008 06:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mistymasseyToday in 1938, Orson Welles broadcast his radio play of H. G. Wells's The War of the Worlds, causing anxiety in some of the audience in the United States. My grandfather used to tell me about his neighbor, a farmer who panicked and climbed inside one of his hay bales to hide until sunrise the next day.
In honor of Halloween and all the scariness associated with it, I present the Thirteen Things I Will Never Do If I Am Ever In A Horror Movie:
1. I will never run upstairs. Nor downstairs. I much prefer out, even if there's a Category 5 hurricane blowing at the time.
2. If I hear a noise, I will put on my jeans and my tennis shoes before checking it out. On second thought, I'll call the police while I'm dressing.
3. If my phone line has been cut, I'll use my cell phone instead of following the wire to see what's wrong with the land line.
4. The bathroom is full of things that could stop a maniac cold. Hairspray in the eyes is not only painful, but flammable.
5. I will never agree to party in a graveyard. If no one's house is available, there's always the Holiday Inn.
6. If I am trapped in a room by a locked interior door, I will not bother shaking the knob, but will kick the door open. It's not hard if you know how. And yes, I do know how.
7. I will not, however, bother trying to kick open an exterior door.
8. I will not run and risk a leg or ankle injury. I will walk at a steady pace, having put on my good tennis shoes to protect my feet first.
9. If a disembodied voice groans, Get out! when I'm touring the house I just bought, I will leave.
10. If I murder my rich old husband who always told me he would come back from the dead for me, I will not return to the house in which he died. I will move the money to a Swiss account and leave on the first flight for Barbados.
11. I will not try a resurrection spell just because I'm drowning in grief. No lover is pretty when he's been rotting for a couple of weeks.
12. I will never say "What could possibly go wrong?" Duh.
13. If I can't get away, I will turn around and use my greatest weapon - the Mom Eye. No monster can withstand that.
In honor of Halloween and all the scariness associated with it, I present the Thirteen Things I Will Never Do If I Am Ever In A Horror Movie:
1. I will never run upstairs. Nor downstairs. I much prefer out, even if there's a Category 5 hurricane blowing at the time.
2. If I hear a noise, I will put on my jeans and my tennis shoes before checking it out. On second thought, I'll call the police while I'm dressing.
3. If my phone line has been cut, I'll use my cell phone instead of following the wire to see what's wrong with the land line.
4. The bathroom is full of things that could stop a maniac cold. Hairspray in the eyes is not only painful, but flammable.
5. I will never agree to party in a graveyard. If no one's house is available, there's always the Holiday Inn.
6. If I am trapped in a room by a locked interior door, I will not bother shaking the knob, but will kick the door open. It's not hard if you know how. And yes, I do know how.
7. I will not, however, bother trying to kick open an exterior door.
8. I will not run and risk a leg or ankle injury. I will walk at a steady pace, having put on my good tennis shoes to protect my feet first.
9. If a disembodied voice groans, Get out! when I'm touring the house I just bought, I will leave.
10. If I murder my rich old husband who always told me he would come back from the dead for me, I will not return to the house in which he died. I will move the money to a Swiss account and leave on the first flight for Barbados.
11. I will not try a resurrection spell just because I'm drowning in grief. No lover is pretty when he's been rotting for a couple of weeks.
12. I will never say "What could possibly go wrong?" Duh.
13. If I can't get away, I will turn around and use my greatest weapon - the Mom Eye. No monster can withstand that.
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One more...
Date: 2008-10-30 11:23 pm (UTC)not to do
Date: 2008-10-30 11:31 pm (UTC)My thought number 14...
If you run out of bullets, don't throw the gun at the bad guy. Hang onto the gun in case you accidentally pass a gun store. Break in (or walk in if it's open) and buy ammo.
Faith
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Date: 2008-10-30 11:37 pm (UTC)bwahahaha!
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Date: 2008-10-31 11:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-31 01:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-31 06:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-31 12:52 pm (UTC)